We represent a guy named Jesus, and He taught us to 1. Bow down to Him 2. Worship Him 3. Give His representatives (that would be us) 10% of your wealth 4. Work for free for those same representatives Furthermore, WE, His representatives, want you to: 1. Attend worship services on Sunday 2. Give gifts and offerings at those Sunday services 3. Obligate yourself to our long-term building loan so we (God and us) can have a nicer house to live in 4. Bequeath your estate to us We also want you to: 1. Recruit others to become like you 2. Train your children to do likewise 3. Ignore everything Jesus said because we are Paulinists We follow the teachings of the man, Paul, who claimed 1. He was insane (2 Corinthians 12:11) 2. He was perverted because God's Word made him that way when he studied it (Romans 7:7) 3. He was demon possessed (2 Corinthians 12:7) 4. He had to complete the work of redemption for Jesus (Colossians 1:24) 5. He lied to get people to join him (1 Corinthians 9:22, 2 Corinthians 12:16)